Unfortunately, the "should haves" can sometimes trap people with Complex Childhood PTSD in a whirlpool of traumatic pain or a cyclical trauma response. is not enough to simply acknowledge the "should haves" and try to divert our thoughts. The key to dissolving the grip of the "should haves" and "could haves" is to feel the words within the body. Identify where the pain resides. Then, recognise that there are often no words to describe what happened. Sometimes it could be a colour, a sound, a feeling in the stomach, or tension in the back of the neck. Some people describe it as carrying a sack of lead for years, or a tingling sensation, or ringing in the ears. It varies for everyone, and sometimes there may be no physical sensation at all. But even no feeling is a feeling.

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The way out of this is to change the relationship with the event and the pain within the nervous system. The could haves, would haves  and should haves dissolve.

Kyle